Sunday, November 04, 2007

A Kadir Jasin

This entry is brought forward by Assholes United. Yes, we do have assholes :-)

When an online-journalist blogs (Ooppss, he does call himself a blogger) ...

Adopted from an online-journalist (Ooppss, he does call himself a blogger) entry: Mr Lee suffers a case of prolonged Gila Talak

AKJ: THIS is addressed to Singaporeans. Malaysians and others are, of course, not prohibited from reading and responding, but the priority is to Singaporeans.
Azer Mantessa: TQ :-)

AKJ: I mean those Singaporeans who are members and supporters of the People’s Action Party. Yes, those of you who gave 66.6 per cent of the votes to the PAP in last year’s general elections. Thank to your votes, the PAP won 45 out of 47 contested seats.
Azer Mantessa: Bravo! Bravo!

AKJ: And those of you who are not members and supporters of the PAP. Yes I mean those of you who gave 33.3 per cent of the votes to the Oppositions. Thanks to your votes, the Oppositions won two out of 47 contested seats.
Azer Mantessa: Alhamdulillah :-)

AKJ: Even those who are neither members nor supporters of the PAP and the Opposition are also invited.
Azer Mantessa: TQ TQ TQ Very nice of you :-)

AKJ: By this I mean the ordinary Singaporeans who loyally serve in the National Service and who believe that Malaysia is the number one threat.
Azer Mantessa: We ourselves our own enemies laa Datuk :-)

AKJ: The ordinary Singaporeans who enjoy crossing the congested Causeway to buy cheap petrol in Johor Baru – cheap by way of exchange rates as well as purchasing power parity (PPP).
Azer Mantessa: I wish it was my hometown Alor Setar :-(

AKJ: And I am not discriminating against those fiendish Singapore drivers who charge down the North-South Highway in their super fast Subaru Impreza WRX STI Type C as if traffic rules and regulations don’t apply to them.
Azer Mantessa: Aren't we all do? You know ... speeding up? *wink*

AKJ: To them, I say thank you for visiting Johor Baru, which according their great Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew was the “murder capital of the world”.
Azer Mantessa: Johor Baru ... The crime rate is not bad at all :-)

AKJ: Thank you for visiting Malacca, Kuala Lumpur, Penang, Langkawi. Temenggor Dam and Kuantan. Thank you for patronising the famous Port Klang "pork bone tea" aka bak kut teh restaurants.
Azer Mantessa: Damn! You missed Alor Setar :-(

AKJ: Most of all, I am thanking you for not swallowing hook line and sinker what Mr Lee tells you about big bad Malaysia. Had they listened to him, they would not have come to Malaysia.
Azer Mantessa: Nasty guys are more fun. Right ladies? *wink*

AKJ: Malaysia may not practice the Singapore version of meritocracy. Then again, even in Singapore not everybody enjoys the same degree of equality. Some are more equal than others. But I won’t dwell into that because I know you know your country better.
Azer Mantessa: And you know your country better :-)

AKJ: I know you keep coming to Malaysia because you feel pretty much at home in Malaysia. The bak kut teh sellers are not the “favoured” Bumiputeras. They are the Teochews, Hokkiens and Cantonese. Of course they are Malaysian Teochews, Hokkiens and Cantonese.
Azer Mantessa: I love our malaysian teochews mooncake, love our hokkien nasi ayam and love our cantonese mee cantonese. Hey, I love bihun soup, mee goreng, mee udang, mee kung fu, ... many many other chinese food! Yummyyyyyyyyyyyy. Oh oh oh, in case you want to whack the indians, sorry to say, I love indian food. Oh oh oh, in case you want to whack the westerners, sorry to say, I love western food too. African food too is not bad at all. I wish I were with Peter in South America. Oh yes.... in case you want to whack the malays like your birdie friend pasquale who brands malays as morons, then I must say ... hmmmmm ... you are right, you have 'No Fear' :-)

AKJ: Eating and selling pork are haram for the Muslims. So the Bumiputera, the majority of whom are Muslims, are automatically excluded from that business. So is gaming and alcoholic beverages.
Azer Mantessa: Automatically excluded but ehem ehem, guess who would love the gaming and alcohol? *wink*

AKJ: Pig rearing, gambling and alcoholic beverages are important business activities in Malaysia. Pig farmers are so powerful that they could force the Malacca state authorities to back down.
Azer Mantessa: Malaysia boleh! (Malaysia can!)

AKJ: Malaysian leaders may, from time to time, proclaim Malaysia to be an Islamic state. But that does not stop the government from issuing lucrative gambling franchises to Malaysian Chinese and Indians.
Azer Mantessa: Datuk, in case you are actually not qualified to be a journalist or in case your ayahanda (a father or you know who) never teach you something, let me tell you something. You see, to the chinese, gamblers are those who are very lazy people. As some chinese are Buddhists, avoiding intoxicants is part of the discipline. So screw your stereotype bullshit okay. As far as I am concern, the chinese are the most hardworking people in this country. Thank you very much. Us acehnese are catching up though. Thank you very much again :-)

AKJ: They are so big and successful that they are now setting up shops in Singapore. Soon you no longer have to travel to Genting to gamble. You can just have to walk across to Sentosa Island.
Azer Mantessa: Ehem ehem ... guess who else will be walking across? *wink*

AKJ: When you’re tired of racing your Mercedes S Class and BMW 6-Series on our highways and have had enough of the Klang bah kut teh, you know you can check into one of our many world-class hotels, which incidentally are very rarely owned by the “favoured” Bumiputera.
Azer Mantessa: Like Mint Hotel? I thought it is closed down. You know, your "favoured" Bumiputera is so good in running businesses.

AKJ: So why am I saying this and why am I being extremely nice to you? Because I want you be totally aware that not everything Mr Lee tells you about Malaysia is true.
Azer Mantessa: Yeah right. Only the online-journalists (Ooppss, they do call themselves as bloggers) tell the truth :-)

AKJ: Most off all, I want to assure you that whatever we do – good, bad or indifferent – is not intended to coax Mr Lee to rejoin Malaysia.
Azer Mantessa: Yes! We prefer corruption, nepotism and cronism! We want to be happy!

AKJ: We have no intention of inviting Singapore back nor are we about to consider remarrying Singapore even if Mr Lee is suffering an extended case of “gila talak” – longing to be reunited with one’s former husband or wife.
Azer Mantessa: A 50 year old wife? A 50 year old husband? Or is it the way Mr Lee Kuan Yew want his people to behave?

AKJ: After 42 years of divorce, we have grown fond of living without Mr Lee as our strange bedfellow. Two years of living Mr Lee is quite enough.
Azer Mantessa: Yeah Mr Lee, we prefer to throw garbage anywhere we like. Again, we want to be happy!

AKJ: I am sure very few of you would want Singapore to be part of Malaysia again. Singapore is wealthy. It’s clean and is doing well. Why bother rejoining the poorer Malaysia?
Azer Mantessa: So why do your Elite bother to join the masspeople? Or is it a gimmick?

AKJ: Why should you want to lose the pleasure of going to a foreign country to buy cheap petrol, eat bah kut teh to your hearts’ contend and race your Mitsubishi Evolution X without the fear of losing your driving licences?
Azer Mantessa: Because they don't have to commit suicide once found guilty on corruption.

AKJ: Please do me a favour. Please help Mr Lee overcome the “gila talak” syndrome and tell him to stop meddling in Malaysia's domestic affairs.
Azer Mantessa: Datuk, do yourself a favour. Ask your Elite to buy you Manchester United. It rhymes with your Bloggers United. After that, you people can start to 'fix things up' if you know what I mean *wink*

AKJ: We don't need him to lecture us and he should accept the fact that he "lost" Malaysia way back in 1965.
Azer Mantessa: And Singaporeans found themselves :-)

Anyway, if I am not mistaken, in 100 years time, the geologist have calculated that Singapore will be under the sea as the sea level shall rise another 30 feet. Hope our Datuk is happy :-)

A Kadir Jasin is an ex-editor of Utusan Malaysia. I wonder how he got there in the first place anyway. Oh no no no ... he receives that Datukship ... an honour from my Sultans or my King advised by you know who so that should say a lot like ... errr ermmm ... like ... errr errmmm .... like errr ... errmmm ... nevermind.

Oh by the way, I receive The Schmooze Award and that should say a lot too ... hehehe.

Congratulation Datuk! You have asshole. I can't really say you are an asshole :-)
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